Monday, January 3, 2011

How Not To Look Punched in the Face

Welcome back, Internet. I missed you. Happy New Year, btw. You look really good, did you know that? Have you done something different with your hair?

So...I don't do resolutions. This denial of resolve has worked for me, because I don't need the added pressure to lose weight, or be more motivated, or whatnot. I'm kind of an anxious person to begin with, and resolutions feel like a prison of my own making. Anyone else feel that way? Like you're setting yourself up for failure? I mean, I'm a writer. Isn't that enough???

My "I refuse to be resolute" plan only becomes a problem after Christmas, when everyone starts TALKING about their resolutions. Hey, Beth. Got a New Year's resolution? And then I have to have that awkward conversation while the Type A idiot who loves to make themselves look superior to everyone person who asked me gets to look all sympathetic and "Oh, poor you" because I don't resolve to DO anything. I am superior in my mediocrity, thank you very much.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I like to set goals. I think that's a healthy thing. But for some reason, calling it a resolution makes me feel like if I don't live up to it THE WORLD WILL EXPLODE. Oopsie, I forgot to count those calories at lunchtime, everyone duck and run for cover!

So to satisfy the resoluters (is that a real word? If it is, great, if not, I'm going to use it to check off number four on my list!) out there, here's a short list of my projections. My hey-that-would-be-cool-if-it-happened items. My maybe-if-the-kid-sleeps-all-night-I'd-have-the-energy-for-this list:

1. See my book agented/published
2. Lose some weight/find some muscle tone (a.k.a the kid is almost four - time to get rid of that flabby middle and stop blaming the baby)
3. Figure out how to do a smoky eye without making myself look like a raccoon and my husband look like a wife beater.
4. Make up a new word.
5. Be kinder, gentler, more patient, and loving.


Are you a resoluter? What are you resolving to do this year? It's okay if you're not - this is a safe space ;)


  1. Drink more water, preferably before 2:00pm so I'm not up peeing three times in the night.

    That's it. All she wrote. We are too much alike re your first few points!

    I have no hope of pulling off the smoky eye by the way. I'd cause a forest fire if I even tried.

    ~ Wendy

  2. If you figure out the smoky eye, you have to share!

  3. The New Years Resolution needs a new PR campaign. A better "platform" don't you think? :) Also, I say cheers to your big picture plans... that's what's important, I think. Also, I just read this post on how to do a smoky eye. I used to work with her (way back in the day) in TV. The post is funny and it might work for you. xoxo

  4. I definitely set goals for myself, and I dream of a better me from time to time (which can means sometimes I strive not to yell when I ask my kids to get in the car for the 10th time in 10 minutes). But as far as resolutions? I don't make a big deal out of those. Sometimes I resolve to change something on July 10th instead of January 1. Last year I made the resoloution to take more risk in order to rely on God more, which I have done, but that was a life goal that I knew would take continuous practice. Happy New Year, Beth!

  5. Wendy - you are hilarious!

    Tamika - see the link in Angie's comment. I may have to do a post where I attempt to do a smoky eye and document it with pictures! :)

    Angie - Yes, the resolution definitely needs new PR. Thank you for the link, this is why I love you! See a need, meet a need!

    Heather - what you said about yelling ten times in ten minutes WAS TOTALLY MY MORNING. I like the idea of July resolutions. It's summer break, which means I would most likely be in a better frame of mind (with a margarita in my hand, preferably) to make resolutions :P Happy New Year to you!

  6. Totally forgot to add the smoky eye to my own list! That's a good one!
    And don't be harsh on yourself. At least you've had a baby at some point in time...

    Happy new year!

  7. I like your list. Well balanced in many areas. Have a great week! :O)

  8. I'm not a resoluter. Nope. Not me. I did some reflecting and themed my 2010 and will probably do the same when Jan. 1st, 2012 rolls around. I'd much rather look backward than forward. It goes against the grain, ya know? ;)

  9. I'm resolution free as well :) I also make goals, but they're always short term and do-able... I hope :)

  10. Alright, girl's night with the smokey eyes and my camera. As for the new year, I am working on a word this year...intentional, I want to live intentionally to make all the days count. I hope many of them involve you! I love you!

  11. It's a great list! I don't resolute, but I do set goals.

  12. Thanks for the comments, ladies - nice to know I'm not alone in my non-resolve ;)