I sat in Starbucks this morning, (thankfully without loud cellphone talking guy) typing furiously away on my novel, piecing together a scene between my main character and her current love interest, when a tidal wave of negative thinking hit me square between the eyes.
This is crap. I have no plot, my characters are flat, and I've wasted nearly 30,000 words to tell part of a story that absolutely no one will want to read. Yep, this whole thing is a giant, steaming pile of C-R-A-P.
I have no idea where it came from (actually it might stem from the fact that I'm not feeling well, am overtired, and just generally grumpy lately - which in and of itself is enough to bring this big baby to tears), but it nearly brought me to tears. This is the first time I've faced this overwhelming sense of self-doubt, and I'm thinking, no, I'm pretty sure, that this won't be the last time this happens to me.
So what did I do? I stopped writing for a little while to get out of my own head, and I started perusing the blogosphere in search of something, ANYTHING to take my mind off of my general suckiness (if that's even a word...and if it isn't, it SHOULD be).
In my searching, I came across this post by Natalie Whipple over at Fact and Fiction (Natalie also happens to be represented by the agent/blogging hero that is Nathan Bransford). It pretty much said exactly what I needed to hear in that moment to allow me to keep writing, whether it was crap or not. It's not about my talent, it's about my skill.
All of us struggle at one point or another in this writing journey, but having a community of other writers just a keystroke away makes it just that much more bearable. So thanks, to all of you agents/editors/publishers/fellow writers, for putting your experiences down for the rest of us to read.
Everything I write the first time around is utter crap. You are SO not alone girl. Then after some revision, it turns into something a little less stinky than crap. Only after several revisions does it start to smell a little appealing. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's better to write crap then nothing at all. That is my motto. Keeping going.
ReplyDeleteLike Nora Roberts says, "You can't edit a blank page." :)
ReplyDeleteOff to check out Natalie's post. Thanks for the link!
I've had those moments, too. And I'm learning that, especially with the first draft, nothing is worth stressing over. We have to hold our heads high and keep at it.
ReplyDeleteGreat lesson! Thanks for sharing, Beth.
Oh man I've been there!
ReplyDeleteWho am I kidding, I'm always there -- doubting myself, my work, my talent... teh list is endless. But you keep moving forward because a small part (sometimes so small it's almost invisible) believes in yourself and wants you to suceed, and knows that you will succeed.
Hang in there, and always feel free to use your blog to vent!
That's what's so beautiful about cyberspace--our ability to connect with other writers and draw encouragement! And I truly find that a blessing! And for most of us, that's what blogging should really be about at this point! The marketing and platforming can come in time. But as we struggle to write our stories and improve the craft, we shouldn't worry about how big of a platform we can build or how many followers we have! But instead take advantage of such awesome advice and friendships! :)
ReplyDeleteMost definitely the best support group around. I love my bloggy friends, and those I stalk.
ReplyDeleteWe all have those "crap" moments. Good idea to take a small break and regroup your thoughts. :O)
ReplyDeleteNatalie's post was a good one. I remember it had a lot of meat and takeaway in it.
ReplyDeleteThe battle of the mind, I tell you.
~ Wendy
I'm having one of those days today too! I've been reading blogs instead of working on my frustrating manuscript. It's good to know I'm not alone :)
ReplyDeleteWhy do we all assume there is no honing of skills involved in writing? That we either have talent or we don't? I remind myself of the countless experiments I did in college and how much tweaking was involved to get one to work correctly!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the reminder!