There Will Be Blood

My husband's car decided to have a tantrum yesterday (as cars so often do - especially cars that are almost paid off), so he took mine to work this morning.

So. I'm without a car today, on this FUN FRIDAY.

Okay, I realize that this is a First World problem (the kind of problem that only people who live in First World countries understand, i.e. broken air conditioning units, broken fake nails, broken computers...you get the idea). The rational part of my brain realizes that I shouldn't be complaining, that I'm sitting here in the air conditioning having just eaten an entire breakfast of eggs, bacon, and pancakes (because it's Fun Friday! I get bacon! Okay, who am I kidding, I eat bacon almost daily. I love bacon - sue me.) while I peruse the Internet while my child is distracted by Curious George.

I get it.

But the irrational side of my brain just registered that I DRANK MY LAST COKE LAST NIGHT. I reached into the box and came up with NOTHING. Do you have any idea what this means? I have no coke. NOOOOO COOOOOOKE. And no car. And a husband who won't be home until two in the morning.

Wait a minute, let me just check something...

I have wine! All is not lost!

Happy Weekend everyone. I will not be posting on Monday, so come back and see me on Wednesday!

I Have Enough Frenzy Already - I Don't Need Franzen

This day has turned into one of those days. The kind where you wake up hopeful, peppy even, until your foot hits the ground (and comes into direct corner contact with another $%*# LEGO). Then it's a whoooole other ball game, kids. I had really good intentions to write a nice long post about all this Franzen hype, but alas, my motherly duties have taken over my day, not to mention my brain.

Unless you've been under a rock (or have been otherwise absorbed in MOCKINGJAY), you've heard about the whole Franzen/Picoult/Weiner/boys vs. girls/literary vs. commercial insanity. As a writer of women's fiction, I feel like I have a direct stake in how this whole argument plays out. I'm hoping that because of women like Picoult and Weiner, the New York Times takes a long, hard look at how biased they are and move to change it. I'm hoping, but I'm not betting on it.

What about you? Did you know about the drama? Do you think women are treated unfairly in the literary world, be they romance writers, chick-lit (or the more PC "shoe-lit") writers, or contemporary women's fiction writers?


*For the record, I will most likely read Franzen's FREEDOM, because I enjoy popular fiction.

Dads Are Funny, Too

Hair and Legos

Hundreds of years from now, when archaeologists are digging around looking for clues about our society, this is the contribution that my family will have made:

There was a dog; two children who ate hydrogenated oil-filled snacks and played with Legos; a mother who shed worse than aforementioned dog. Also note, tech geek husband probable due to video camera apparatus piece discovery - need further assessment.

So, I haven't properly swept or mopped my house since, hmm, I think Bush was still in office. I think it's time. YES, I CAN.

Happy Friday, people. If you don't hear from me next week, it's probably because I was swallowed whole by a giant dust bunny.

Love It/Hate It Kindergarten Style

My son made it successfully through his first week of Kindergarten!!!

This further proves the fact that I really am quite the exemplary mother he really is the coolest kid on the planet. He did have one minor hiccup, the details of which I will not go into here on the Internet. Why? Because I don't want to get a call when he's, I don't know, middle aged and in therapy, telling me how he remembers the time when I embarrassed him on the Internet. And I'll have to be all, "Uh, which time was that again?" No. I don't need that on my conscience.

In lieu of this celebration, here are the things I love/hate about my child being in Kindergarten.

Love It:
- He wears uniforms! He might complain about not having the freedom to choose his own clothes down the road, but I never will. Uniforms are God's gifts to mothers like me, who have a hard enough time dressing themselves at 6 A.M., let alone their kids.

- That he has already made a ton of friends, and that he asks me on a daily basis if they can come over and play. A lot of them are girls, which has me practicing my stinkeye I think is adorable.

- That I get that one on one time with my youngest. There is a lot less screaming and fighting and a lot more laughter. He has such an awesome little personality, and I get to hang out with him all day and just marvel at the funny things he says and does. He's a lot like his Daddy.

Hate It:
- Holy Lord, the crafts have already started. I am not a crafty person. I don't scrapbook; I don't paint; I don't make my own jewelry or clothes. I am completely inept when it comes to gluing anything to anything else. Also, I HATE LEGOS, and I am convinced they are the bane of most mothers' existence. Sorry, it seemed relevant.

- The paperwork. In addition to not being crafty, I am not all that organized either. I know, it's a wonder my husband even married me. I have no idea how to stay on top of the sheer magnitude of paper that now comes home in my son's tote bag. I AM OPEN TO SUGGESTIONS!

- Missing him. I miss him so, so, SO MUCH.

Do you have something you LOVE/HATE about your child being in school (Kindergarten or otherwise)? 

First Time for a Writer's Conference?

Last week, I put out the distress signal, calling all writerly friends to share any advice they had for a first time conference goer. I'm shaking in my flip-flops, people. I'm sure as the conference (which is in October) gets closer that adrenaline will replace anxiety (fingers crossed) and that I will be a lot more confident! In the meantime, I did a little research, and I'm here to share the wealth.

I now present, TIPS FOR FIRST TIME CONFERENCE GOERS by YOU, the readers. I took the liberty of only including the advice parts of your comments, which were LOVELY, by the way. Look for highlights in bold!

Wendy Paine Miller said...

Only advice I have is prepare as much as possible and bring business cards, a one-sheet, your first chapter...think that's about it. And be yourself...they'll love you!!!

Jennifer Shirk said...  

Wear comfy shoes. Dress in layers--in case it's cold or hot in the speaking rooms. Bring a bag that has a folder with note paper for notes, pens, and cough drops or candy in case your throat gets dry from talking and meeting people.

Kay Richardson said...
I went to a conference once. Had too much to drink and made a pass at a senior publisher. My advice would be to avoid doing similar.
Karen said...
Tips-Bring notebook, things to write notes and names, if you have business cards, bring those (they are handy when talking to editors, agents...), and meet as many people as you can. We (www.kindredheartwriters.com ) have several "evergreen" posts on attending conferences. You're gonna love it!!
Laura said...
So excited for you! Writers conferences were really the beginning for me. Check out this post: http://kindredheartwriters.com/2010/08/davis-bunn-and-writers-conferences.html   It's got some great ideas. My suggestion? After you've packed everything on your list, stick some chocolate in your suitcase!

Diane J. said...

Advice? Smile. Attend any receptions (you meet quite a few people that way), if you have the chance to do a pitch do it (one of the workshops I'm attending this year is Pitch Party - how to deliver an in-person pitch, I'm planning on pitching next year at the bigger conference, so I'm thrilled I got in this class.) Don't bring too many books, you'll end up buying some while you're there and your bags will be heavy heading home.

Colleen, over at Fiction Flurry , had this to say in response to a comment I made on her post about Writers Conferences: "My best tip is number one...be prepared. If you are meeting with agents, look up their website and be aware of what they are looking for. Also, it doesn't hurt to practice your "elevator pitch". The more at ease you are with it, the better chance you have of selling it!"

Now, for a few things I found just poking around:

1. The Guide to Literary Agents blog has a WEALTH of information. Just go to the site , scroll down on the left and click on Writers' Conferences. 
2. I found this article on Conference Etiquette and this list of 8 Things to Maximize Networking at Conferences at suite 101 .
3. Here's an article with writers conference advice from an editorial director at Random House Children's Books (which is relevant, even if you aren't writing children's books).

Feel free to add any new tips in the comments. Thanks to everyone who responded. I hope this was helpful to you!

*** Absolutely NO IDEA why this post got all out of format, but hope it helps anyway!***

Jeopardy - Mommy Monday Edition

Player 1: I'll take Words That Make a Mother Burst into Tears for $200, Alex.


Alex: All right, for $200. Your child might say this his/her first day of Kindergarten.


Player 1: What is, "It's okay, Mommy, I don't need you to hold my hand."


Alex: That is correct!

Seriously. That's what my son said to me this morning on our way into his school for "Meet the Teacher". Break my heart, right? Go ahead, stomp all over it with your brand new school shoes. You don't want to hold my hand today? I get it, Big boy - you're excited. But hooooo buddy, if you don't think you're going to pay for that, just you wait. Wait until you bring home your first girlfriend - I have a picture of you in the tub with her name ALL OVER IT.

Take heart, mothers of new kindergartners - we can do this.